When I finally was able to put to words my first blog, I wanted to be diligent and continue even if only one person read it or found solace in it. So here I am, pondering again… What in the world do I want to share? Do I have anything worthy of sharing that doesn’t sound like a complete freak show? Well, maybe not but I am going to give it another go…. With soooo much always going on in my head and my life these days, I honestly struggled to decided just which topic of discussion I felt I could dig into this time around. Since I have found myself mostly wanting to cry or scream recently, I thought I’d just roll with that, so here it goes….
Lately I have felt like the world is out to get me, which I am positive that is a figment of my imagination, and I have even worried that my juju has been zapped or something. Then it occurred to me…my juju is just fine…I live daily reminding myself to (I am going to sound like a Tim McGraw song here) always be humble and kind. I think that it may be very easy to forgot those two very simple rules of life but it is something I remind myself to be every day. Lately I have felt myself feeling sorry for myself and wallering around in self pity and fear. Then it hit me…..is my house (not my physical house but my “life” per say) in order? Do I lie, cheat or treat people unfairly? NOPE not me! This I can say without a shadow of doubt!!! I fight harder than anyone for the people I love and the things that are important to me. It made me start thinking….WHY is it that life is always either spun out or upside down? Yes, as I go on with this blog stuff, you will see that I often speak in “dirt track lingo”—can’t help it, try to decipher and if you can’t, just ask, I will gladly try to explain lol. It may have something to do with the family racing bug, the fact that I fell in love with a man who shares or shared the same passion for the sport as myself, or who knows, maybe I just don’t know any better. lol But it has occurred to me as of this weekend that maybe some of this stress and drama might stem back to these facts. Why this weekend you might ask? Well….I decided that for some reason or another that it was time for me to face a demon that has been looming around our home for almost two years now. This is where that damn dirt track stuff comes back into play. I basically forced my “little” to make our first trip to a place we were lucky enough to call home for a very long time, for the first time since shutting off the lights last season. WOW!! talk about tough? yup, and then some…We stayed all of about 40 minutes and decided that now probably isn’t the time to wrestle that demon!! So unbeknownst to me that brief trip helped me open up some closed doors that I had nailed shut and hide behind for the past little while. I am the QUEEN of brushing things under the rug, if it makes me uneasy or if I think I will ruffle feathers, I will for sure try to hide it under the proverbial rug!! So harboring those dirt track demons for so long has taken way more out of me than even I would like to admit to, but it also allowed me to dig pretty deep the past 24 hours and take a look at what allowed those demons to continue to prey on me. I’ve been told that possibly this infamous dirt track may have defined us or who we were as people, a couple or even an entire family. I call bullshit!!! We loved her like she was our own, like she was family. We gave up a ton of life to “throw a weekly party” for an entire “community” when nine times out of ten that same “community” didn’t show us much love in return! But we loved what we did and I feel that it showed through the programs that we put out. It did not however define us as a couple, people or anything of the such,if anything it defined our love for the old girl, PERIOD!! Now, this really isn’t about our leaving the track or anything like that, I truly do have a point with all of this….
I have finally realized that there is always going to be painful events in life. Events that will change our entire world. These moments may change us somewhat, but they will make us stronger, wiser, more patient, and more open to new life opportunities, if we choose to move forward and not get stuck in the what if’s or bogged down with haunting pasts. We do not have to become angry and bitter over these moments!! I believe that harboring bitterness will never allow you to soar, so it is a practice of mine, to try to face bitterness and not actually sweep it under the rug. (as of just recently, my rug sweepin under days are done!!! I will no longer be brushing important things under any rug…like it or not, I will face them head on!) Point of this long winded story?—-When life throws you curve balls and you feel like you have done everything you can to right any wrongs…CRY, SCREAM, do whatever it takes to let it out…then straighten out that crown, stand tall and move forward…….or make like a pineapple as I like to tell Lindsay–“Stand tall, wear a crown and be sweet on the inside!” Do not ever allow yourself to get bogged down by the past, always always move forward….Thank you for taking the time to read this…..Nothing but love to you all!!!!!
Simply Shelly 